Dusty Newspaper Clippings and other mental disorder: April 2006

Sunday, April 30, 2006

I've been down and blah all weekend, just doing nothing at all, being absolutely useless. I haven't even gotten something to eat, even though I'm starving. Waiting for it to get dark and then I'll go to the KFC drive-thru. Have an unreasonable hankering for chicken, mashed potatoes and gravy, and biscuits. Serious loss of momentum today.

Yes, I know about Pamela Anderson and her chicken crusade. I'm amoral, alright?

I'd get some Indian food if I didn't have to get cleaned up first. I think spicy foods lift my spirits.

Oh, forgot to tell you that they upped my Effexor does this past Friday.

Bondage cuffs for the doll, and calling them "jewelry." Alllllrighty then!

If I ever got any bondage cuffs, they would be for me, and they wouldn't be posted in a public forum.

Saturday, April 29, 2006

Would you ever see a movie whose synopsis states that it's a "kooky wedding comedy"?

Me neither.

Kooky?

Friday, April 28, 2006

Fucking Cingular pisses me off. You know that aircard that didn't fit, that I had to return? They received it on the 14th, the day after I mailed it, and I haven't received my refund yet. Fuckers. But they're quick to cut off my shit if they don't get my money fast enough to suit them. >:-E

Thursday, April 27, 2006

Have you ever said something you thought was funny at the time but you were the only one to think so? I made a flippant remark to someone who was interested in buying that stupid doll dress, and I think I scared her off. :-( Hopefully another buyer will make an appearance. Note to self: resist "funny" quips when engaging in a business transaction. Erg.

Wednesday, April 26, 2006

Vegged out today. No point in going to the ceramics lab since everything's trapped in kilns. Plus I need to conserve my gas. AND I didn't want to shower because I only have one more washing out of the cleansing bar I use on my hair, and have no money to get more. :-( The only other shampoo I have in the house is $1 a bottle from the dollar store, which I refuse to use. I'm not a snob or vain about most things, with the exception of my hair. Mother Nature was kind enough to bestow upon me some very nice hair (to make up for my crappy complexion?) and I don't use just any cheapo shampoo on it, harrumph.

However, I do have some Allergroom shampoo...

Oh, somebody found my blog by using the search word "labia." Cool. Thanks Sandy!

Got a BJD dress in the mail today from an eBay seller, and I hate it. Looks like a nightgown. :-\ Oh well, maybe I can sell it for what I paid.

Got heartburn. I'm tired. Nothing else going on.

Oh, and what the hell is My Space, why is everyone talking about it, and why have I only learned of it recently? I doubt I'll get into it; seems like something for the "youngsters," and I just don't have energy to spare.

Monday, April 24, 2006

Bridget Jones was so right when describing what it's like to speak to parents of young children over the phone. "Have you gone poo-poo? Did you try to go poo-poo? Want mommy to help you? I'll call you right back."

I’m sitting in the VA lab because I need some blood work done. They’re serving 104 right now; I’m 196. I’ll have to go to my appointment before I get my blood drawn because the lab folks won’t get to me in time. It wouldn’t be a big deal except that it’s one of those “fasting” deals and I’m about to die without a cup of coffee. Only got, like, four hours of sleep, when I usually get at least ten.

Some old codger sitting next to me wanted to know which service I was in and during which period did I serve, and am I a combat veteran. Obviously sees a healthy, youngish woman and wonders what the hell her business is here. He was a Vietnam-era vet, although he said he didn’t go overseas, so I would expect that attitude from someone his age. But hell, around here it doesn’t really matter how old the guy is. They see a prima-donna who’s taking up benefits entitled to someone else. I was polite to this guy and told him I’m on disability, but didn’t say for what. I think I was more than generous.

I mean, if I’d said I’m on disability for depression, he’d just scoff that off as someone sponging off the government. He wouldn’t understand, nor would he care, how hellish my marine corps experience was.

Anyway, luckily, his number was called so I didn’t have to put up with him for too long.

Later today I’ve got the dreaded English class with that nutty professor. Well, only two more to go. I’m interested in seeing my grade in there: I only submitted one story (that read like “how I spent my summer vacation” according to him), I hardly participated in class discussion, and my attendance was poor. But I don’t care, I have no respect for that flake.

Creative writing—bah! What was I thinking? I’ve taken two CW classes and that’s all I’m allowed under the English lit curriculum. And that is so cool with me it isn't even funny.

There’s cat hair all over my laptop. Newman sprawls over the keyboard when I’m trying to do stuff because it’s nice and warm. Actually, it gets quite hot. I wrote a blog entry yesterday but wound up losing it, which really pissed me off. Should know to write it in Werrrd first.

Later

While waiting for my doctor to call me, I fell sound asleep in my chair. Didn't hear them call me or anything. The guy next to me woke me up and the whole room got a good chuckle out of it while I wobbled in a daze to my appointment. Extreme fatigue is as good as being drunk except without the fun.

Sunday, April 23, 2006

Damn I love my coffee. I just bought ten pounds of green Bolivian organic beans from CoffeeBeanCorral.com. They rule. The beans oughtta last me a coupla years; hopefully my roaster will hang in there.

Wearing the men's cargo pants I bought from L.L. Bean:

Love them! I'm so glad I can wear men's pants, and they don't even look dykie on me. I'm getting another pair in a different color. Jeans, the mainstay of my entire life, are just too hot for this climate.

Had to tear out my knitting for my BJD's because it was too big. :-P

Had a sexy dream last night. I guess my body knows that it hasn't been getting any, not even in the form of self-abuse lately, so it creates its own outlet. Had sex in the shower with a hunky guy. Mmmmmmm. Wish I could find a guy to have sex with, without excessive emotional attachment. Last two guys I screwed both talked marriage and children. WTF?

There's a BJD meet-up a couple hours away in May. They want to meet at a park. Outside? In the sun? Heat? Humidity? Mosquitos? Plus, it's at eleven a.m., so I'd have to leave around nine, get up around 7:30 or so? Dunno about that, I'm too much of a pussy.

Worked on giving a faceup to my latest arrival, the one who was held hostage at the post office. When I finished I was very pleased with her, but now, not so much. *sigh*

Saturday, April 22, 2006

So I just registered for class. I would have forgotten *again* except I'd put a reminder in my calendar. Whew! So I got the classes I wanted and couple I didn't, ha ha. Just doing an audit, and I'm almost done with my art minor. Just two more classes to go. For my English major, I've got six more classes to go. And of course, the remaining core classes, which are two math and two science classes (all held up because I haven't gotten past algeblah yet), but then I'll be done. Wow.

Friday, April 21, 2006

I don't ever want any more fish, ever. I just put down my last betta, Smokey. He was just hanging in the bowl at awkward angles, looking miserable, and not eating. But when I went to scoop him up in a cup, he struggled. So obviously he wanted to live but was suffering nonetheless. I didn't know what to do to help him, and I didn't want him to suffer anymore. I feel like shit about it. Fuck this, no more fish for me.

I hate, hate HATE my fucking post office! Why the fuck can't they do anything right? It's always pass the buck, pass the buck. Oh, your carrier has that package. Oh, that notice is from downtown, not from us. Then when I try to call their goddamn 800 number all I get is a recorded prompt. I want to speak to a living asshole regarding my cocksucking packages! Is that too much to ask?! Why can't I get my shit?!

Thursday, April 20, 2006

I can't help but think that it's in poor taste to make a movie like United 93 right now, y'know? It's just too soon. They should have waited a couple of decades at least. I mean, it still hurts, and I don't even personally know anyone who died in 9/11.

Wednesday, April 19, 2006

Last night I knowingly wrote a bad check at Wallyworld’s. I think I’m getting worser and worser. I gotta look for stuff to sell—surely there’s plenty.

On an unrelated note, want to hear something funny? In pottery class, the grades for the first half of the semester had been posted for weeks now, and I only found out yesterday. All this time I was wondering how I stood. Well, I got 100 for all the projects except for the slab ones, which makes sense because I had the most problems and the least enjoyment working with slabs.

I slept until four p.m. today. At least I got my final project done in ceramics yesterday.

I've got two big parcels that have arrived in my city but I was absent at the time of attempted delivery. Now, where are they? Floating in space. They say my mail carrier has them. Well, he doesn't. It doesn't pay to miss the mailman. "Sorry we missed you!" says the notice. Yeah, so'm I.

Oh, and I'm still wearing the clay-spattered clothes that I had on yesterday. Sexayyyy.

Tuesday, April 18, 2006

I'm seriously considering saving up for some plastic surgery to resurface my face. My acne scars seem to be getting worse as I age and my skin sags a bit. I know that people's impression of me is colored by my scarring. I'm tired of carrying this around and it's time to do something about it. How about a 40th birthday present?

Monday, April 17, 2006

Well now, that's not flattering. True, but not flattering:

You Have a Phlegmatic Temperament

Mild mannered and laid back, you take life at a slow pace.
You are very consistent - both in emotions and actions.
You tend to absorb set backs easily. You are cool and collected.

It is difficult to offend you. You can remain composed and unemotional.
You are a great friend and lover. You don't demand much of others.
While you are quiet, you have a subtle wit that your friends know well.

At your worst, you are lazy and unwilling to work at anything.
You often get stuck in a rut, without aspirations or dreams.
You can get too dependent on others, setting yourself up for abandonment.

What Temperment Are You?

That explains a lot:

In a Past Life...

You Were: A Jittery Priest.

Where You Lived: Thailand.

How You Died: Dysentery.

Who Were You In a Past Life?

My mom said that at her place yesterday they had 97 degrees. We've got 93 right now. It's fuckin' April, man! I hate summer. The heat and blinding light depresses me. I've been thinking lately of moving back to the Pacific Northwest after I graduate. No, not Seattle. I have no idea where my ex is now, but even so, I couldn't live there again. No, maybe Portland, OR or Vancouver, BC. Cold is okay, just gimme a coat. But I despise the heat.

I don' wanna go to class. I don' wanna go to class...

Sunday, April 16, 2006

Okay, I have a confession here, and don't think I'm chronic, okay? Someone in the pottery studio had made this cool bowl-type thing that had been high-fired. I liked it, really liked it. It sat there unclaimed on the table since before spring break, which has been what? a month? So I took it. Is that stealing? I mean, someone obviously didn't want it (or else he would have placed it on his individual shelf) and there's no name on it either.

What else have I stolen in my life? When I was five, I stole a pin from my neighbors, and lied about it too. It was costume jewelry for children from Avon, where the face was a lid beneath which was some cream perfume. I still have it.

Also, about ten years ago, I was in a pet store looking for air tubing connectors, which are these teeny tiny pieces of plastic which join ends of air tubing for aquariums. They were loose in a box full of junk and I had to rummage for them. I spent so much time rummaging that I ended up feeling entitled to them, put them in my pocket and walked out. My ex got really pissed at me. "If you'd gotten caught, do you think it would have been worth it?" He was right of course. Weird that I did that, because I'd never before desired to take something from a store without paying for it. (In fact, once I got past the register with a roll of toilet paper tucked under my arm that I'd forgotten about and that the cashier didn't see. I turned right around and paid for it.)

And those are the only things I've stolen.

When it comes to lying, I'm apallingly honest. Even telling white lies makes my throat close up. I've only recently learned that being so rigidly honest isn't necessarily good in all situations. Like, I declared art my second major at school because only art majors can get into art classes, and how else am I supposed to finish my minor? As soon as those classes are completed, I'll drop it back down. Also, the VA VocRehab won't fund me unless I give a concrete goal. Never mind that I don't have one yet; as far as they're concerned, I'm looking for a teaching position in this town. *shudder* Beth was the one who set me straight: "You're being too honest, girl! Just tell them what they want to hear!" You might think it's funny, but that thought hadn't occurred to me.

Lay. Z. Layzee. That's me. Yesterday I didn't get my act together to go to the ceramics lab until nine in the evening; I was there until 2:30 a.m. So today I slept until one in the afternoon and then napped again a few hours later, with Newman on my lap. Then I woke up, but Newman was still unconscious on my lap, so I started knitting to give me something to do. Need doll clothes. Funny how I haven't been knitting lately. I haven't been to the knitting group in weeks. Wonder what they think of my sudden disappearance. I'm not going tomorrow either, because after English I have to work in the lab again. Anyway, that's the way it is with me; I only focus on one thing at a time, and right now it's ceramics.

My mind feels so dull lately.

Was reflecting while I was knitting. Back in Seattle toward the end of 1999, my ex was screwing around on me and I didn't figure it out until long after we'd separated. I knew he'd dumped me for somebody else but I didn't think he was unfaithful before I'd even departed. You see all those clues looking back.

He used to go to the city on Saturdays to "work." One time I was like, "Oh! I'll go with you!" because he worked in a cool neighborhood and I thought it would be fun to hang out awhile. He got this funny look on his face and goes, "Uh, yeah. Wait, I have to make a phone call." So he made the call in another room and we drove into town. I browsed around some stores and sat in a tea shop for a little while, just enjoying myself. I left the tea place and met my ex, who was walking toward me on the sidewalk. He was uncharacteristically angry at me. "Where have you been?" I said, "oh, in that tea shop over there; I had to turn off my cell while I was in there, sorry." Then he and I went to this cool little Indian restaurant across the street from his work. There, the waitress looked sharply at the two of us, me smiling guilelessly and wearing a wedding band, the ex squirming and unable to meet her gaze. After the meal I excused myself to visit the ladies' room and the waitress looked at me knowingly, as though she wanted to tell me something. When I got back to the table, the ex looked shit-scared, as if he feared the waitress might spill the beans. I wish she had because, despite all these obvious smacks over the head, I was oblivious.

Then on a later occasion when the ex said he had to go work and I wanted to go along, he wouldn't let me.

I just don't understand how someone can be so ... I just don't understand it. He took the trust that was fundamental to my very being and he threw it in my face. And looked me in the eye doing it. How can someone like that live with himself?

All I know is, I'll never be able to trust another person again.

Saturday, April 15, 2006

Shit shit shit. I’m having an anxiety attack. I ordered a doll from Luts based on the pictures posted on a doll board that I fell in love with. When asked, the owner said that the doll was a Woori head on a girl body. So I ordered that and it’s on the way right as we speak.

Well, I was just looking at Luts’ site again, and I think I ordered the wrong head! Rather, I think I was given the wrong information. It’s hard to tell because of Luts’ overexposed photography, but based on the chin and mouth shape, I think I got the wrong damn doll head. If that’s the case, I’ll be pissed. But I guess what I’ll do in that event is paint her up and sell her. :-( I will post up-to-the-hour updates on this breaking news.

Luts makes the ever-popular Lishe, who is what inspired many to cross over into the BJD’s:

Me, I think Lishe is pretty and I like seeing pictures of her, but I’ve never liked the shape of her head or her enormous eyes. I know doll eyes are supposed to be big, but I have my limits. I like my BJD’s to look sweet and childlike like traditional dolls, and not like space aliens or anime characters. I don’t do fantasy stories about medieval princesses, fairies, or elves either; I think it’s puerile. Check me out, a *mature* doll collector.

Oh, forgot if I already wrote this, but I ordered an airbrush cleaning station from Dick Blick and some cheap airbrush paints. Hopefully those two items will lesson my anxiety about practicing with the airbrushing and cleaning it. Didn’t want to waste my pricey paints, and wanted to make cleaning as easy as possible, given that it’s so important.

Later...

Praise be. The Woori head I ordered is the one I wanted! *Whew!* I saw some pics on Den of Angels.

Do I have some skewed priorities or what?

Saturday, April 15, 2006, 1:44 PM

She’s here. And she’s the right doll. :-)

2:39 PM

Just came back from a run, a somewhat crappy one. I forgot to take my asthma meds. :-P Maybe that’s just as well, though; at least I wasn’t able to overdo it. I had shin splints the other day, so I guess my new running shoes aren’t doing the job. They’re top of the line, but they’re not Addidas. I should have stuck with the Addidas. So I guess I’ll buy some insoles.

Guess the fuck what? I forgot to register for class yesterday and I missed my window. I won't be able to do it until the 22nd. Fuckity fuck fuck. Gonna have a harder time getting into ceramics class, that's for sure. I'm such an idiot.

Thursday, April 13, 2006

Pottery idea: sphere within a sphere:

Create a bowl. Let it stiffen.

Have a spherical pinch-pot, leather hard, or bone dry. Painted? Ooh, porcelain?

Add a cylinder to the top of the bowl and create a sphere. Prior to closing, dry out the inside really well and insert the pinch-pot.

Interesting to see if this works.

Or, simply a thrown sphere with a hand-built sphere on top acting as a lid. With another small ball on top, making three spheres.

There's one guy in my ceramics class, kind of an oddball, but so am I, so I can't really diss him for that. Anyway, at the midterm review, one of the objects he displayed sported a huge erect penis which wasn't in harmony with the rest of the sculpture. When it came time for the class to critique it, everyone danced around the fact that there was this BIG HONKIN' JOHNSON stuck on it! Kind of comical really. So me, with my big mouth, said, "Well, no one has talked about this, but I feel compelled to: I have a problem with the subject matter of this piece [no pun intended]. It seems to me that the phallus is arbitrary, included simply for shock value. It's my opinion that art of this nature needs to have a message or social statement of some kind to be justified." You know what I mean? The shock has to be "earned," as they say in creative writing. The guy responded that he just thought it would be funny, that he thinks penises are funny. Well, whatever. The tone of my voice, I thought, was diplomatic and not aggressive or confrontational, but this guy didn't look or speak to me for the rest of class, which was the last class prior to spring break. And he hasn't been back to class since. I feel somewhat responsible.

Was I wrong to say that? I mean, I would never craft a huge cunt and sit it there on the table of a beginning ceramics class for critique, especially if it didn't have some sort of significance in my intention.

But I do agree that penises are kind of funny. When they're not threatening.

Next week, after I'm past my ceramics crush (no wet clay after the 16th), I want to start training myself on my silly forkin' airbrush. I bought all that expensive equipment and it's just sitting there because I'm scared of it! I've got books but nothing really good about *operation*. The reason I say that is because there are a couple of doll repaint artists who use airbrush to wonderful effect, but have questionable style and color choices. I know I could do a good job, and I'm eager to give it a try. Got plenty of beater dolls for practice. :-)

Saw Inside Man tonight. Loved it. I thought it was very tense and smart. Roger Ebert didn't care for it. Maybe it's age. His generation saw Dirty Dozen; well, I haven't. I like Jodie Foster and could play some serious tonsil hockey with Clive Owen, who, incidentally, needs to work on his American accent. Oh, and this is my first Spike Lee joint. Denzel Washington was good as always. One fault of the movie was Denzel's character's wife; her sole function was to purr seductively, "Come home, baby," and wear next-to-nothing.

Are you proud of me? On the Mac I don't have formating options for Blogger, so I have to insert hyperlinks manually, and I did it!

Wednesday, April 12, 2006

Today was a weird day. I learned some neighbors at the ground floor of my stairwell are moving because they'd been broken into twice! I live on the third floor, but how ill at ease do you think that makes me feel? The good news is, my apartment is so trashed that any burglers wouldn't be able to get in the door. And prolly the only thing a drug-habit-supportin' gangsta would care to steal is this new laptop. I have no stereo, no t.v. I doubt they'd be interested in my dolly collection. If they only knew! Those BJD's fetch a lot of money on the secondary market!

Anyway, it's Wallyworld, I tell ya! Since they've built that store, we've had much higher traffic around here. I've been to the new Wallyworld at midnight or whatever, and I felt VERY uncomfortable in the parking lot! I've been to other Wallyworlds at weird-ass hours with never a problem. Forget about across-the-street, 24-hour convenience if you have to frequent the store only during daylight hours!

There was a nasty wreck today at the intersection leading from my apartments to the main street. Making a left there is a bitch (no light) and has only gotten worse lately. I guess someone got tired of waiting and did something reckless.

I learned that a prominent figure in the dolly community, a really nice lady, well, her son was killed in an auto accident yesterday morning. I've met her several times at doll shows and it's just awful news.

At least I got some very important things done today: mailed off that stupid aircard, dropped that stupid class, and found some Testors Dull Cote at Hobby Lobby. Woo!

Monday, April 10, 2006

Monday, April 10, 2006, 1:11 PM

Christ, all these looming deadlines. This is the last week to make anything in ceramics class; I have to hurry up and drop that stupid algebra class this week (I asked the instructor to do it but she hasn’t, and she’s under no obligation to do so); I have to mail that useless aircard to Cingular, BIG TIME; and by April 21st I have to fulfill all these requirements for the Voc Rehab program. That last one in itself is a doozy: call and make an appointment with some veterans’ group therapy program (pfffft); provide a list of jobs in my area toward which I can aspire; oh crap, there’s a bunch more that I can’t remember right now. Oh, rustle up my transcripts and provide an associates’ degree plan, which is all they’ll fund for me right now. :-P But the good news is, once I meet those requirements, later on they’ll help me with my bachelor’s. *sigh*

April 14: enroll for summer! I have to find out whether, under the 2003 catalog, I’m required to take a foreign language. If so, I’ll take intermediate German—just saw that they’re not being taught by the brown-shirt bitch I had before. There aren’t any ceramics classes offered over summer. Should I take algeblah? Erg. Oh, call the Sylvan Learning Center regarding this.

Those cats keep locking themselves in the bathroom! Wazzup with that?

Do NOT want to go to English class. Lost my enthusiasm since a classmate pointed out what a perve the professor is. And since the classmate himself is a weird motherfucker, he oughtta know. I’ll do what other students do; take my notebook and, while pretending to take notes, surf the net on the campus WiFi.

2:38 PM

I raced to class, slightly late. Fortunately, the instructor was late too. Now he’s chomping ass because not everyone showed up to some reading last Thursday. I meant to go, but shit happens. The more I hear this guy talking about writing creatively as a career, the less I want to do it. I’m SO glad I’m not a creative writing major like I wanted to be at first. CW majors are so self-important and there’s only so much ass-blowing I can take.

Take heart, take heart, there’s only, like four more sessions to attend. Really hate CW workshops. Last day of class: May 1.

Who in the U.S. says “ad-VERT-us-ments” instead of “AD-vert-ize-ments”? My teacher, for one.

Someone in here is suffocating me with her perfume.

I can smell burning wood in the air. Can you believe that in this day and age, when land is cleared for development, all the trees and shrubs are piled up and burned? Nice. Try to have the windows open for fresh air and I'm met with either smoke or the stench of some refinery mishap. :-E

Sunday, April 09, 2006

Thanks, once again to John; without him, I wouldn't know shit.

"We’re seven thousand miles from home, telling the Iraqis and the Iranians what kind of government they will have, backed up by the use of our military force, and we call them the aggressors." US Representative Ron Paul of Texas

Say what? A Texas politician is talking sense? Get outta heah!

I heisted this off someone else’s blog. Some of it’s dumb. Most of the more dubious things I’ve done were about twenty years ago, so please don’t think I’m still that reckless.

1. Taken a picture naked? yes
2. Painted your room? yes
3. Made out with a member of the same sex? yes
4. Drove a car? Huh?
5. Danced in front of your mirror? Yes
6. Have a crush? Yes
7. Been dumped? Yes
8. Stole money from friend? No
9. Gotten in a car with people you just met? Yes
10. Been in a fist fight? Yes
11. Snuck out of your house? Yes
12. Had feelings for someone who didn't have them back? Story of my life
13. Been arrested? No, but turned myself in
14. Made out with a stranger? Yes
15. Met up with a member of the opposite sex somewhere? What does that mean?
16. Left your house with out telling your parents? No.
17. Had a crush on your neighbor? No.
18. Ditched school to do something more fun? In H.S., no; in uni, yes
19. Slept in a bed with a member of the same sex? Yes
20. Seen someone die? No
21. Been on a plane? Yes
22. Kissed a picture? Yes
23. Slept in until 3PM? Yes
24. Love someone or miss someone right now? No.
25. Laid on your back and watched cloud shapes go by? Yes
26. Made a snow angel? No
27. Played dress up? Yes
28. Cheated while playing a game? No
29. Been lonely? Yes
30. Fallen asleep at work/school? No, but wanted to
31. Been to a club? Yes
32. Felt an earthquake? Yes
33. Touched a snake? Yes
34. Ran a red light? Yes
35. Been suspended from school? No
37. Been in a car accident? Yes
38. Hated the way you look? Yes
39. Witnessed a crime? No
40. Pole danced? No
41. Been lost? Yes
42. Been to the opposite side of the country? Yes
43. Felt like dying? Yes
44. Cried yourself to sleep? Yes
46. Sang karaoke? Gawd no
47. Done something you told yourself you wouldn't? Yes
48. Laughed till some kind of beverage came out of your nose? Yes
49. Caught a snowflake on your tongue? No
50. Kissed in the rain? No
51. Sing in the shower? Yes
52. Made love in a park? No
53. Had a dream that you married someone? Yeah but I woke up and found I was divorced
54. Glued your hand to something? No
55. Got your tongue stuck to a flag pole? No
56. Ever gone to school partially naked? WTF?
57. Been a cheerleader? No
58. Sat on a roof top? Yes
59. Didn't take a shower for a week? Close
60. Ever too scared to watch scary movies alone? Yes
61. Played chicken? No
62. Been pushed into a pool with all your clothes on? No
63. Been told you're hot by a complete stranger? The word was “pretty,” and it was a long time ago
64. Broken a bone? Yes
65. Been easily amused? Yes
66. Laugh so hard you cry? Yes
67. Mooned/flashed someone? No
68. Cheated on a test? Not since high school geometry
69. Forgotten someone's name? Yes
70. Slept naked? Yes
71. Gone skinny dipping in a pool? No, but I’ll bet it feels wonderful
73. Blacked out from drinking? Yes
74. Played a prank on someone? Yes
75. Gone to a late night movie? Yes
76. Made love to anything not human? Does a vibrator count?
77. Failed a class? Yes
78. Choked on something you're not supposed to eat? No
79. Played an instrument for more than 10 hours? No
80. Cheated on a girl/boyfriend? Yes
81. Did you celebrate the 4th of July? No
82. Thrown strange objects? I guess
83. Felt like killing someone? Yes
84. Thought about running away? Yes
85. Ran away? No
86. Did drugs? Just a couple of hits from Cheryl’s blunt
87. Had detention and not attend it? No
89. Made a parent cry? Yes
90. Cried over someone? Yes
91. Owned more than 5 sharpies? Dumb question
92. Dated someone more than once? Yes
93. Have a dog? Sorta
94. Own an instrument? What kind of instrument?
95. Been in a band? No
96. Drank 25 sodas in a day? Yuck
97. Broken a cd? No
98. Shot a gun? Yes

Monday, April 3, 2006, 12:05 AM

I have to be sure to pay my rent as soon as I get back home. [update: I did]

It’s difficult to visit my ‘rents as it always is. My mom gets all depressed, needy and clingy the day before I leave. She suffocates me and makes me have to get away all the sooner. She does it every time. For me, parental love equates guilt and oppression. Mostly I just want to visit with my dogs when I come up here. Leaving them behind tears me up but I know that they’re very well cared for with my folks—they receive much better care than with me (and much better care than I got when I was a kid--hah!). And I can’t have them and the cats, it’s either one or the other, and I love my cats too. Mr. Newman with every hair on his face perfectly placed.

I can’t live without animal companions. I need warmth, physical contact, and an outlet for my affection, or else I feel starved.

Wednesday, April 5, 2006, 2:56 PM

Went for an abbreviated run just now; was out there between ten and fifteen minutes. I knew it would be truncated but I figured that you gotta start somewhere. Bought some new running shoes last week, my first in about four years! I didn’t realize it had been so long, and my old ones were virtually useless. I need to be careful because I get shin splints easily. Anyway, the new shoes motivated me to get back into it, and I am seriously out of shape. So I did it and it’s good. My cats are licking the salt off me.

Saturday, April 8, 2006, 7:43 PM

I went for another run today, yay me. No one who looks at me would say that I’m fat (my mom insists that I’m too skinny, but I’m no thinner than I’ve ever been, so WHATever), but the skin covering my floppy leg muscles is flaccid and loose. Erg. I’d like to tighten things up a bit before shorts season, which is already here, by the way.

Bought Photoshop Elements for my Mac and love it. Also bought a mouse designed especially for laptops. Go gurl!

Thought about going to the ceramics studio, but I don’t feel like it since I don’t like being there after dark. I’ll go tomorrow. I think tonight I’ll do some painting. I’m feeling creative.

Really P.O.’d about my Mexican Coke – checked at Kroger last night and they’re all out too. That was supposed to be MY secret!! WTF, am I gonna have to go to the border to buy it?

One thing about doll collecting, especially the Asian BJD’s, is the fetish wear people dress their dolls in. French maids, Lolita outfits, black leather, studs, handcuffs, whips. It’s just sick. I mean, who cares what someone’s into in their bedroom. But to dress a doll that way just grosses me out. Had to say it.

Tuesday, April 04, 2006

Feeling cranky today, not sure why. Nothing's working on the pottery wheel, and the campus computer lab is pissing me off as usual. They passed out a survey on "how to improve your public computer facilities," and I saw the IT dickheads sniggering while reading the returned surveys. Argh. I'm still turning mine in, where I wrote that the staff is unhelpful and condescending. They can call me an old fart and I don't care.

Not much else going on. Got back from my folks' last night after spending the weekend there. 'Bye.

Dusty Newspaper Clippings and other mental disorder