I actually feel somewhat refreshed this morning, which is very unusual for me. I slept like a log. Yesterday I had to haul a 25-pound block of clay to the studio the opposite end of the campus from where I park my car (which is in a residential area off-campus 'cause there's never any parking; next semester I'm not going to bother buying a $120 parking permit). Call me a weakling, but that 25 pounds got heavy fast. I had to take several breaks and I was huffing and puffing, garnering some looks. Today my shoulders are killing me (I need to start working out again).
Anyway, ceramics class was good. I was just blissing out, doing my thing. Of course, being a beginning class, we started on pinch-pots, but I don't look down my nose at pinch-pots because they can be tricky and also good vehicles. I've got spheres on my mind from seeing pictures of thrown spheres, so I glued two pinch-pots together and then polished the surface until it was as smooth as I could get it. Hopefully, once it's fired it'll be something you want to pick up and hold. The teacher complimented me on it. There's a girl in there who, you can tell, is very competitive, and she was slightly shitty toward me. No big whoop. I tried to be pleasant towards her. I'm not competitive; I prefer to celebrate other people's successes. Plus, I recognize that just because I have more experience than others doesn't mean I'm a better artist or whatever.
I've got so much creative energy right now, so many ideas! That's not like me either. I want to make a form, using a sphere and rolled coils, to emulate a ball of yarn with needles stuck through it. I want to use pinch-pots to make chairs for my dolls. I need a set of bookends, which I'll make by slab building. Shit, there was something else and now I forgot.
Remembered. I wrote it down in a "journal" that I'll carry around with me.
Gotta get a move-on to get to the bookstore and buy my online algebra stuff.
Saturday, January 21, 2006, 4:02 PM
Playing the Sims on my phone. It's dumb. I'm trying to get my guy fired to see what happens. I've already had him killed by fire and by starvation. If you don't let him use the bathroom, he just wets himself; if you don't let him sleep, he passes out. Nothing seems to happen if you don't let him bathe and I couldn't make him die of loneliness either. This is after I've already done everything "right." The game doesn't seem to end after you achieve all the goals, it just says to get married and divorced, married and divorced. I'm done.
Monday, January 23, 2006, 12:48 PM
Happy Monday. If I don't take my Effexor, I could just lay down and sleep for a week. Had a hard time getting up and feel SO drugged and groggy. Well, thankfully I finally found my Effexor bottle, so it's just a matter of time before it starts to work. Got da heebie-jeebies. It seems that if I miss my meds, I get stuck in REM sleep all night and have those mini-series dreams. Nothing interesting this time, except maybe some highlights of my disdain for korporate Amerikana (some seminar or function where we had to listen to a bunch of blow-ass executives who were boring everyone to death but were so wrapped up in their egos they didn't notice). But upon awakening, it's as if I hadn't slept at all. And I'm wheezing. Bahhhhhh.
What does this remind you of?
Have my first creative writing class today at 2:30. It only meets on Mondays and last Monday was a holiday. Should be interesting. After that I've got knitting group. I was "supposed" to go to Michael's yesterday because they had a knitting event, but I didn't make it.
Bought a bra the other day at the Gap. Last month I bought a couple of their t-shirt bras, which I love, and got a coupon for $15 off my next purchase. You know that they bank upon you forgetting to use it. Well I used mine, hah. So, too, with those rebates for computer stuff. But I sent away for my rebate. They can't get one over on me! Anyway, I got a convertible bra that can go strapless or cross-back or whatever. Maybe this summer I'll wear a tank top or two. I simply cannot go braless, even though my boobs aren't that big, because I could put someone's eye out with my nipples and that's just nobody's business. All my bras are padded.
Something I've been meaning to write about is my lack of connection with others (have I already mentioned it? prolly). Sometimes within myself, I feel no love or connection with things that intellectually I know matter to me, like my cats for example. Sometimes I think that if they left me I wouldn't even care. But I know that's not true because later on I'd be flooded with regret and mourning. Like what happened with Bijou, that beautiful white kitty who followed me up to my apartment. I gave her to my neighbors, who took her to the Humane Society for a medical check, who found her HIV-positive and kept her in a cage to put her to sleep later. When I think of the fear and suffering that Bijou had to endure in the last hours of her life, it kills me, and it was my fault. And I don't trust the lab findings either, because my cats are the siblings of Bijou, although from a later litter, and they're HIV-negative. Bijou used to hang around with her aunt, who was deaf, and I think she kept a lookout for her, until animal control took the aunt away. Somehow Bijou escaped being caught but she was left all alone, and I know she sought me out specifically, even though I lived on the opposite end of the complex, quite a distance away. She was so weak from hunger she could hardly stand up, and once I started feeding her she waited for me to come home and after only a few days followed me up three flights of stairs to my apartment. I think it was remarkable because she was six months old and had been feral her whole life. Anyway, I know I told that story before.
I think it's why the plight of animals hurts me so, and why I cried at the King Kong movie, because nobody loves them just like nobody loved me.
I didn't mean to get into all that.
Aw fuck, I'm gonna be late.
posted by Newpeep, N.D. (neurotic depressive) @ 4:59 PM
1 Comments:
I have a friend who isn't too keen on bathing and for that matter, is kinda on the lonely side. It hasn't killed him yet. Most days, I don't think he even notices. Maybe you could just kill the little Sims guy with kindness? Too many donuts? Too much caffeine?
That's very sad about Bijou -- she was such a cuty. But you obviously are connected as you seem to really enjoy taking care of them and they intuitively know you're a good person. I don't think they all remember us in the same way but they do seem to know who is going to feed them and who has the warmest lap.
BTW, sounds like your classes this semester are going to be good ones!
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