Friday, January 13, 2006, 10:24 PM
Finished reading The English Patient. I'd read it before, around 1997 or whenever the movie came out, but I enjoyed it more this time. I guess I needed the distance from the movie, which in retrospect was unlike the book in several ways. I understand that film and writing are different mediums, blah blah blah. I remember being very moved by the tragedy in the film, but looking back it seems awfully melodramatic at the end. I dunno. Maybe I've just gotten over a lot of sentimentality, particularly when a story involves adultery. This time I didn't see the actors playing the characters, but rather as they were written, particularly Hana. She was leaner and harder than Juliet Binoche.
On to other news, holy shit my apartment. I'm so sick of it. Sick of it. Every day I say I'll clean it but I divert my attention to other things, like reading, knitting, running "errands," or playing The Sims on my cell phone. Or making jewelry for a doll new doll that didn't come equipped with any. I don't know what I'm so afraid of; I don't know what stops me. You know my feng shui must suck big time. I almost wish I could hire someone to help me, but I know it wouldn't help because it would be just as messy in a month and plus I wouldn't be able to find anything.
Already a little worried about what I'll write for creative writing class. My stuff tends to be too personal and autobiographical and I don't like revealing myself that way. Maybe I should stop being so self-absorbed and write about someone else for a change -- ha ha.
Oh, bought the coolest thing: a remote control for the floor lamp in my living room. Now I don't have to worry about that broken knob that keeps falling off. Cool!
Sunday, January 15, 2006, 3:05 PM
I re-read Breakfast at Tiffany's yesterday and today. I like the movie, but I regard the book and the movie as two separate entities; they're that dissimilar. Anyway, the book made me feel sad -- no Hollywood ending, of course. Holly Golightly reminded me of myself in many ways; like, the way she's searching for a place where she belongs, and how she said that she only realizes something belongs to her after she's thrown it away. She's got this emptiness inside her. It said in the text that she'd been molested as a child and that she had hallucinations of a "mean, fat woman." Wait, don't get me wrong, I don't have hallucinations. Geez Louise, like I need any more problems. But I mean, she had psychiatric troubles.
I watched Missy groom Newman so tenderly, and he had such a blissful expression on his face. I'm glad the cats have each other. They live with me because Missy was insistent upon following me that day two Septembers ago. Animals always seem to be following me. Like that one beautiful black cat that I called "Topaz" because of her eyes. I'd just gotten out of the corps, living by myself for the first time and lonely, and she followed me from the mailboxes to my apartment. After two weeks I was so wheezy that I couldn't function, and I had no health insurance to get asthma meds. Looking back, what I should have done was go to Tijuana to pick some up, but I didn't think of that then. Anyway, what I wound up doing was taking her to the city shelter, which I deemed kinder than dumping her back on the street. It hurt so bad that I cried hysterically the whole way, and seventeen years later I still try not to think about it. I don't know what happened to Topaz but I can only pray that she turned out alright. I feel such guilt about the whole thing. I guess what brought this to mind was the way Holly threw her cat out at the end of the book (didn't find it again like in the movie).
Animals must follow me because they can sense that I'm tender-hearted. I have to say that being tender-hearted hasn't been much of an advantage in this life so far. But, I have to trust that there's a reason for everything, even if I don't know what it is.
Got errands to run.
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