Well, I wish the kitties had let me sleep for one more hour.
Had a dream about lesbians. My new English teacher is a lesbian and she smiled very broadly at me yesterday ... lesbians seem to take to me. My ex-husband noted this as well, and he should have known because he worked with a lot of them. I guess it's because of my sexually ambiguous appearance, despite my long hair -- boyish clothing and no makeup. Plus, it's true, I wouldn't be against a lesbian relationship if the circumstance arose. But mostly I'm straight (I like the ol' penis); it's just too bad that I put forth negative vibes toward men I find attractive [oh, and there was this hottie on campus yesterday, tall, lean, longish hair, glasses--OWW! I love a handsome man with glasses]. Well anyway, back to the dream, I was at a party attended only by women, and I was the only straight one there. The guest of honor was, I think, my English teacher, and everyone was abuzz about who she'd choose to dance with. She chose me, and all the other women were irked. I was flattered and felt it would be impolite to refuse, so I danced with her.
Yeah, my photography teacher a couple of semesters ago took a shine to me I think. I admit, I'll flirt if it'll help me ingratiate myself.
I have this recurring half-memory that's been bothering me lately. My dad's a big-time porn addict. I think when I was a kid, about seven or so, he took me to meet some army acquaintance of his in regards to putting me in a movie. This guy, who must have been some scumbag, turned to me and I looked up at him, smiling innocently and without guile, holding my father's hand. The guy looked at my father and shook his head, and in his eyes there was shock, disgust, and a bit of fear, like, "What kind of sick motherfucker are you?" I don't know why this memory is coming back to me. I've certainly got enough ammunition.
I think I might try for some more zz's.
posted by Newpeep, N.D. (neurotic depressive) @ 6:26 AM
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