At the VA office on campus they hired some dope and put him in charge of it all and already he's losing staff. He wants to rearrange the furniture. Yeah, like a tomcat pissing on his territory. Whatever, I'm just there to use the computer.
11:29 AM
Oh, forgot to write that the "inspector" never did show up yesterday. Can probably expect them Tuesday.
Went to take pics of my dolly and outside there's a little feral kitten. He's gorgeous, pewter gray with green/gray eyes. I tried and tried to catch him but was unsuccessful. I'm having a quick bite to eat and then I'm gonna go back outside with some tuna to see if my luck will change. He's too beautiful and sweet to be left outside like that. Someone will surely want him.
When I was a little kid in Germany, my dad brought over an army buddy of his, Roger. Roger's a very nice gentleman and he became a family friend. When my family moved to BFE, Roger moved there too at about the same time, so we visited from time to time. After three years or so, Roger got transferred elsewhere and we haven't seen much of him since, except for the rare occasion he can visit. Roger took my family to see Star Wars when I was 10 and that movie held me transfixed. I had some questions about that viewing: I seem to recall that when we saw the movie, it hadn't yet been released; it wasn't released nationwide until the following summer. Well anyway, Roger was very glad to hear from me and he wrote me this long gushy email. One of the things he said was how much he admired my father. Huh, I wonder if Roger would still feel that way if he knew that his buddy messed around with his own daughter. I'm gonna write Roger back, but don't worry, I won't spill the beans. Far be it for me to rock the boat.
Within the past year or two I had a dream that Roger was visiting my parents and we were all sitting at the table for dinner. For some reason I became enraged and started screaming at my mom about how HE, and I pointed at my father, molested me. Everyone sat, stunned, and then Roger arose and left the house. I understood in the dream that my parents had a lot to lose.
This past visit, my mom said something to the effect that she doesn't delve down deeply into her feelings and memories. "It's not good to stir things up," she said. Of course that's her modus operandi -- if she gave her life decisions any conscious thought she'd probably explode. Stayed with a pervert, the man who molested her only daughter? Nice. I wish I was a bastard. Sometimes I still hope that I am. After all, I don't see much of my dad in me; my brow and forehead look like my maternal grandfather, and the rest of my face looks like my maternal grandmother.
I remember my mom saying to me once that she's never slept with anyone but my dad. That's so wrong and such a lie. I know that they used to engage in wife-swapping when I was a kid. My dad told me, and that's the only time he stopped messing around with me. Well, let's go see if we can catch that lil' kitty-cat.
12:34 PM
Gottdammit, gottDAMMit! I had that little motherfucker in my *hands*! He scratched and bit but still I hung on. Then I scruffed him and was carrying him over to where I'd left my bag. I put him in the bag and before I could zip it, he spied a gap and was gone. Gone. Just like that. I went ahead and left because there's no way he'll come to me now. All I've got to show for my efforts is a new collection of battle wounds and ant bites. I'm so mad at myself. I feel like such an idiot.
5:19 PM
Can't find any disks to use to transport the pics of my doll. Crap. Without photos there can be no auction. I had a bunch of zip disks and I don't know where they all went. Just went to Best Buy and they don't even sell them anymore, just writable CD's. Well, my dinosaur computer isn't capable of writing to CD's. What to do, what to do.
Oh, my shrink put me in touch with a friend of hers who's renting a little house. I spoke to the realtor today and I should go view it Monday or Tuesday. Rents for only forty bucks more than I'm paying now, and it's in a cool part of town. Fingers crossed, fingers crossed. Wasn't that great of my shrink? Shows you she must think well of me, or she wouldn't have stuck her neck out.
6:28 PM
Found a zip disk! Schweet! Zippety do-daa, zippety-day ...
posted by Newpeep, N.D. (neurotic depressive) @ 8:48 AM
1 Comments:
VERY cool of your shrink. I doubt mine could name me in a line-up; hence, part of why I've stopped going.
And as for BB...they stopped selling cassette tapes, too, which pissed me off. Not ALL cars have CD players, ya know!
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