My mom has this thing with "ugly." Last time I visited, we were talking about feet (dunno why) and she said that Oma's feet were ugly. I had never thought about it in those terms. Oma had old lady feet and terrible bunions from wearing shoes that were too small in her youth, but they were just *her* feet and I didn't consider them aesthetically. Another example: Oprah is a woman I admire very much because she pulled herself up from nothing but hasn't forgotten her roots. One time on her show she revealed to the world what she looks like without makeup. She looks a good deal different because she doesn't have any eyelashes, as she says, and her makeup artist contours her face with highlights and lowlights. My mom and I were discussing it afterward and she said something like, "Did you see Oprah without makeup? She's ugly!" Again, it gave me pause -- I hadn't passed judgment, I'd considered Oprah brave and generous and incredibly secure to reveal that side of herself. I'm glad that I generally don't regard things so short-sightedly. --Well, sometimes I do I guess. Like, if a doll comes out that we don't like, Anne and I will be like, "Gah! That doll is fugly!" Or something like that. I mean, I'm not trying to toot my own horn, I'm just saying that my mom inhabits a very small internal world. It's SO much nicer to live free of judgment, because it means that you are free of harsh self-criticism too.
posted by Newpeep, N.D. (neurotic depressive) @ 1:14 AM
5 Comments:
I really like your perspective. You could have easily become just like your mother, inherited that way of thinking - but you didn't, and it looks like you don't even judge HER about it. V. Cool, Newpeep!
Sounds like my dad. His perspective was soooo bad and made those judgements on people and us too.
Good thing you didn't pick that up!
Oooo... you should write. You should expand on that and tell the whole world about it. I've called my BF on that a few times. He almost consistantly qualifies people by their looks which I've pointed out, very casually so as not to upset anyone, is a very judgemental thing to do. I'm like you. I see old feet, not ugly feet. Feet that have been to some interesting places, I'm sure or hands that have made wonderful stuff... Sigh...when will they ever learn?
Thank you Sandy, V and Balwearie! I do actually catch myself sometimes, thinking, "Ooh, I wouldn't have worn that if I were her," or something else along those lines.
I'm not like my mother and never was. Not to say that I didn't pick up some of her traits, like living my life from a place of deep-seated fear. It's an on-going process, recognizing the symptom and purging it.
One reason I try not to judge people is, I simply don't have the energy. I'm tired. You know?
Ah, but not to put too philosophical a spin on things, to say "I wouldn't have worn that if I were her" sort of indicates that you don't think the woman/girl/chiquita is ugly but rather that she's chosen to wear something unflattering and would look better if she wore something which fit better or was a bit more stylin'.
On the other hand... I saw this woman at the grocery store the other day... I'm still trying to forget...
What can I say? Ugly happens but hopefully most of us don't let it rule our lives.
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