"Gloom, despair, and agony on me. Deep dark depression, excessive misery. If it weren't for bad luck, I'd have no luck at all. Gloom, despair and agony on me."
Yes folks, my family watched HeeHaw when I was a kid, god help us all.
Take-home midterm due today that I haven't done. That dog has got to go. I dropped my electric burr grinder and broke the plastic hopper, scattering my freshly-roasted coffee beans all over the floor. And the kicker: I've got another bladder infection. I've got no money and I'm not sure I have enough gas to get to the hospital and back, especially after driving around yesterday, posting flyers. So I'm feeling pretty shitty right now.
Why why why why why why? I hate my gottdamn bladder.
Here I am, supposedly improving my life by going to school, and I hate school. I like learning new stuff, and it sure beats the hell out of work, but I hate papers and tests. For this midterm, I guess I can just spit out some inane bullshit and disregard whatever grade that might fetch me; I just need to get it done. No turning this puppy in late.
The cats won't leave the living room while the dog is here, even when she's in her crate, so I had to bring the litter box and their food and water dishes out here. I've been confining Heidi too much and she slams her aluminum food dish against the bars. "Attica! Attica!" God, PLEASE, let someone call about this dog and take her off my hands. I don't have the resources to take care of her, and she doesn't get along with the cats. I'm sure she doesn't mean any harm, but she wants to chase them.
Should I work on the midterm here or should I go to the campus to work in air-conditioned comfort? And that's another thing: my place is hot and nasty and it's too hot to clean. I'm such a dick. I hate this.
And pretty much, all this is all my fault.
On a totally unrelated and unimportant note: I've got a couple of nude dolls that aren't really worth selling on eBay, a pre-Tonner Effanbee Brenda Starr and a Willow from the Daisy & Willow line by Knickerbocker. "The Mod British Birds." Both those dolls have heads the size of pumpkins. It was handy to have a friend who had a little girl, because I could be relatively sure she'd like what I pawned off on her.
There's one girl in my lit class who I find to be disagreeable. She's in my journal group and I used to think she was okay, but last time we had a discussion about Housekeeping, all of a sudden, zzzzzzzt zzzzzzzzzzt, there was friction. She sided with Lucille and I sided with Ruth and Sylvie. I could see that she is one of those conformist types who wouldn't hesitate to dump someone or something if they're less than socially celebrated. Instant dislike. After the discussion, she and I moved back to our respective seats and didn't address each other again.
I think I need to learn how to keep my mouth shut. I speak out too much in class. I feel as if I don't express my opinion, I'll explode, but I don't think anyone is interested in my opinion. If I don't participate in class discussions, will I still feel engaged, or will I sit outside of it?
posted by Newpeep, N.D. (neurotic depressive) @ 7:51 AM
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