Monday, January 03, 2005

I only got four hours of sleep but obsessive thoughts are keeping me awake, making my stomach churn. First I think of Eduard coming over here and doing his will with me. Then I think of my asking and him rejecting me. Then I think that he's getting it on with a friend of his, let's call her ... Katelyn. She entered into our conversation last time we met, with him telling me that she's kicked drugs, that her skin looks better, and that she's moving out of her current digs with her roommates into a place of her own. The thought is making me insane.

I know. I KNOW. I'm the one who broke it off. What Eduard does with his penis is no longer any concern or business of mine. You don't have to tell me that.

I just want to lock myself away and never come out again, and not have anything to do with anyone I know.

I'm the one who made the decision to enter into a relationship with an alcoholic, and now I have to pay the piper. Did I think this would be easy?

It would fit the pattern, you know; former partners of mine always land on their feet. It would seem that I'm easily replaced.

What's that saying? "God protects fools and drunks."

Ah well, I need to keep in mind that this, too, shall pass. Like a kidney stone.

posted by Newpeep, N.D. (neurotic depressive) @ 7:22 AM

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