An example is Greg. I was thinking about this as I was making my coffee. I had a vacuum brewer at work and Greg was a coffee enthusiast, so I, happy to find a kindred spirit, started telling him about vac pots and all that good stuff. Then he started looking anxious and saying, “My wife this,” and “My wife that.” I was surprised and confused. I knew that Greg was married and I hadn’t the least bit of interest in him one way or another. And regardless, I don’t mess around with married men. You think I want to be like that hootchie cunt my ex fucked?
A more recent example is Patrick, who’s a teaching assistant in the ceramics lab. First of all, he was there last year when I went though my fuckup with the Drunken Toad, so that’s kind of embarrassing. But anyway, I get the impression that he thinks I’m after him. He’s a handsome guy, sure, and very nice besides. But married, so I’m not interested. I’d never go after something that isn’t mine, I just wouldn’t. But that isn’t the kind of thing you say to someone.
And then the wives of guys I’ve worked with over the years think the same of me. A few have been downright horrid to me. John’s first wife, Renee, didn’t like me until I started dating Bill and was deemed “safe.” Then, when John married Becky, she didn’t like me, and I was married! Jesus. But in her case I think it was also that I didn’t fit into her approved socio-economic bracket, whereas I found her shallow, materialistic and judgmental, like a lot of Southern Californians I encountered (degree, degree, degree, that’s all they’re about). My ex and I were invited to their wedding reception, but not their wedding, and I’d known John for years before he met Becky. [This is the John who wrote saying, “Where have you been?” and then didn’t write back when I replied.] [And Liz did that too. WTF?]
I’m no saint, I’ll admit that in my early 20’s I dallied with committed men, not habitually, but a couple of times. I’ve learned since then.
So anyway, I often just keep my head down and not say anything out of fear of being misinterpreted.
posted by Newpeep, N.D. (neurotic depressive) @ 12:43 PM
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