When I was a kid, my dad ruined Christmas for everyone, every year. He hates Christmas tree lights and yelled at me when I plugged them in one Saturday morning. He'd be in a mood for weeks so that the rest of us had to tip-toe around him.* He's just a selfish asshole. Earlier this year my mom revealed that when my dad was a kid, he was sent to California to spend Christmas with his dad, step-mom, and two half-siblings. The half-kids got presents but my dad didn't. That blows, it really does. I mean, what the fuck were his dad and step-mom thinking? But it doesn't, in my opinion, excuse my dad's adult behavior; it doesn't justify his desire to fuck Christmas for everyone else.
I don't celebrate Christmas. I'm not a Christian; I hate the commercialism and the obligation to buy presents for people that they don't need and that I can't afford. I think it's stupid to string up electric lights everywhere and being in a store with Christmas music piped in overhead is enough to make me want to slash my wrists. Awright, that's me. Other people want to celebrate and enjoy Christmas, that's fine. But I'll stay away from the malls until well after the holidays. But I hate malls no matter what time of year.
Shit, am I a crank or what? Is it inevitable that we turn into our parents? If so, it gives me yet another reason to be glad that I never had kids -- I wouldn't want to make anyone else as miserable as I was.
*My mom pisses me off. She made me her confidante of sorts when I was a kid, telling me her marital problems and griping about her husband. Wrong! Parents should never do that to their kids! Anyway, she said once, "It makes me so mad that we have to walk on eggshells around him." But she would never say anything to him directly, then or now. My attitude is, you married him and put up with his shit all these years, you're as much to blame.
PLEASE don't let me get depressed this year. Three Christmases ago I had dinner by myself at IHOP. That was awful. After my separation when I was such a mess, my mom said, "I don't want you to be alone and depressed at Christmastime," and I replied, "So why should it be different from any other day of the year?"
Anyway. I'm wearing some new canvas cargo pants that I liked at first, but now that they've been washed a couple of times, they're too short. :-E
posted by Newpeep, N.D. (neurotic depressive) @ 4:02 AM
2 Comments:
Sew a band of velvet or satin around the bottom of your pants. That's what I plan to do with my yoga "high waters".
As for Christmas, it is way over done. On the other hand, you could celebrate the fact that you don't have classes for a couple of weeks and that after the Solstice, the days will be getting longer and warmer.
Ew, longer and warmer days are *not* good news around here. :-)
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