Well, okay, I digress. When I came to this city after my marriage ended, I carried with me three suitcases, and that was all I had. Fuckknuckle shipped me things at first, while he was still under the influence of guilt. However, toward the end, the things he shipped were literally garbage, which was pretty stupid of him because he'd spent all this money on transit and I turned around and threw it away. He also got really careless--in the true sense of the word: he didn't care. For example, he sent my computer monitor halfway across the continent in a box without any packing materials whatsoever. When I called him to complain he said offhandedly, "oh, sorry."
Gawd, here I go again, off track. What the hell was I talking about? Oh yeah, whether I'd feel bad about losing all my material things. I've got a lot of shit. It's astounding that it's all been accumulated only during the past six years. Honestly, I don't have much, if any, sentimental attachment to any of it. Regarding furniture, if it isn't from Ikea, it's hand-me-downs, mostly from my parents or bro. As for the rest, it's mostly a product of compulsive spending in an effort to escape my troubles.
Of course, it's difficult to say how I'd feel in the event of calamitous circumstances. It's one of those things where you don't know until it happens, and I feel it's almost blasphemous to speculate, given the current situation.
I'm in the process of going through my clothes to look for things to donate to hurricane survivers [it was brought to our attention on the radio that the term "refugee" is inappropriate since it infers someone from another country and thus puts a certain distance between the survivors and the rest of us]. I've got more than it's right for one person to have since I haven't weeded out my wardrobe in the six years I've lived here. I have clothes that are twelve or thirteen years old! Plus, my mom's always giving me things that she and my father don't need anymore, which I usually don't use. Good opportunity to try to clean things up around here, especially since I have an extra day this weekend. But sometime today I have to make my way to a computer somewhere since things will probably be closed tomorrow.
10:16 PM
A friend of my mom's sent me a bunch of old Barbies she'd picked up at garage sales. I was like, "gee thanks," and had them in the trunk of my car ever since, which has been well over a year. Well, I got them out and cleaned them up, and they're in amazingly good shape, almost like new. A couple of them had nappy hair which took some work, but they're much better now. I dressed them in some old 80's outfits I still had and I'm gonna donate them somewhere. The problem is, they're all caucasion dolls and I'd feel bad giving them to kids in the dome. I'd hate to be insulting, like, you took forever to rescue our asses and now you're gonna give my kid a white doll? It makes me think of Toni Morrison's The Bluest Eye, where the narrator kept receiving pink baby dolls for Christmas and she couldn't understand why she was supposed to cherish them.
Anyway, I spent an inordinate amount of time restoring these Barbies, and I'm very proud of how they turned out. I wish I'd taken "before" pictures, because you'd never believe the difference. I'm tempted to keep one or two for myself, even though I don't collect Barbie anymore. One has a gold crown, and I'm not into crowns and stuff, but it's real metal, not plastic as one might expect. Plus her facial screening is excellent. She must have been a collectible at one time. Now that she's all fixed up, she looks brand-new and I put together a mix-n-match outfit to suit her.
I'm crazy, I know.
posted by Newpeep, N.D. (neurotic depressive) @ 1:20 PM
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