I have to type at home and publish later, of course, and every time I pull up MS Word I think, "Word to your mutha," or just "werrrrrd."
Dropped off the kittens at the vet today for their tutoring. Was on the road at about 7:45; I don't think I've been conscious at that hour in months. I'd forgotten how nice mornings are. It felt unpleasant to deliver to the pets to what I know will be a scary experience for them. I got a progress report at about noon. Peep was spayed and Newman neutered without complications, but it seems that Missy has a temperature of 104, is on a course of antibiotics, and will have to go back next week. I'm upset that Missy was sick; what could it be?
Poor Newman, no more balls. He had such nice kitten balls, too. Two soft little pillows covered in velvety gray down (although big relative to his size). I couldn't help but touch his balls sometimes; why can't human balls be as nice?
6:30 p.m.
Had my shrink appointment todee. I don't know why I always leave there feeling browbeaten. True, I don't believe in myself or my talents. True, I have difficulty committing to goals. True, I fear or avoid success because deep down inside I don't feel I deserve it. I can pinpoint these problems to certain aspects of my upbringing. Fine, but I don't know what to do about it! What do I DO about it?
I got no money. NO MONEY. Not two cents to rub together. I'm ditching class tonight to put a doll repaint up for auction but it's just a My Scene Barbie and won't fetch very much. I'm working on a Tonner that should sell for a minimum of $50 and shit, hopefully more than that. Still working on technique, trying to figure things out. Found a product at an art store today that might be an answer, but of course, as I said, I have no money...
The kittens are home. Newman and Peep are groggy and sore, poor things. They don't appear to like the food I made for them this time around, which is too bad because I have nothing else. They got their tapeworm remedy administered--good. Peep has crawled into a little cardboard box and she's curled up in it. Poor sweetie. She peeked out of the top and her face is so funny; her eyes are a toffee color in stark contrast to her black tortie fur, and she has a sharp, wise expression. She reminds me of an owl.
Had a problem with my lease, in that I didn't check it closely enough when I signed it in November 2003 (I'm like that), and it was made out for only a year and not fourteen months, although at the bottom it stated I was to receive two months free prorated over fourteen months. So, I pointed this out to the office staff, thinking that they'd be unsympathetic and unhelpful as usual, but surpringly, they amended the lease to extend it the two months. Thank god. I'm not ready to move right now. However, that means I only have three months to get my shit together. Man!
9:30 p.m.
I put up my freaking auction and already got one bid, which is nice, but once again I forgot to make it private. That'll cost me, because it inhibits dolly lovers from bidding since the community is so small. Crud.
posted by Newpeep, N.D. (neurotic depressive) @ 9:27 PM
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