Shay, I can only surmise by your silence this past week that you don't want to be friends with me anymore. Or?
If that's the case, I'm confused as to why, although I feel I can reasonably assume that it has something to do with Eduard.
What is it? Do you think I'm so despicable that you want nothing further to do with me? Or has Eduard asked you to dump me because he needs you more?
All I'm asking is for some clarification so that I know for certain where I stand.
For whatever it's worth, I have enjoyed our friendship.
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Eduard,
I'm somewhat mystified about what happened last Saturday.
But let me back up a bit.
Earlier that day, at D's birthday party, I could see you watching me interact with the children there. Rightly or wrongly, I sensed an unspoken pressure or expectation along the lines of, "Won't she make a great mother to my children."
I thought that during our break we agreed that we weren't going to think in those terms. As you said, "I'm not asking you to marry me."
So that evening when I voiced my concern about not being able to commit to you for the long-term, I thought it would open up a dialogue between us. Instead, you inexplicably threw a hissy fit and left.
Listen, Eduard, here's what I was wanting from our relationship: a friend. I don't use the word "friend," lightly, either; I mean a true friend. A friend and companion with whom I could be affectionate and intimate too. And no, I'm not referring to what you so eloquently call a "fuck friend." But I don't know where all this "love" stuff comes in; I don't understand how things got to be so heavy.
It's obvious that our expectations didn't match up. At one time, I may have thought I could love you, but now I'm so confused I'm not sure.
If this makes me the bad guy, so be it.
Just know that I didn't deliberately set out to hurt you.
posted by Newpeep, N.D. (neurotic depressive) @ 10:08 PM
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